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October 29, 2006

EVPs

"EVP," as somebody patiently explains on nearly every episode of "Ghost Hunters," stands for "electronic voice phenomenon." (The plural of EVP is EVPs, even though the plural of phenomenon is phenomena.)

The theory goes that EVPs occur when energy is imprinted onto an electronic device -- a video or audio recorder -- and sounds or voices are heard during playback, even though no one present at the time of recording heard anything.

EVPs are creepy as all get-out.

"White Noise," a movie starring Michael Keaton, was predicated on the idea that the dead are trying to communicate with the living through this imprinting. The movie was terrible, although the fake EVPs in the movie were creepy enough -- there's something inherently spooky about voices that aren't there, especially distorted voices with garbled, cryptic messages.

But the ones the TAPS team occasionally finds on "Ghost Hunters" are the best -- the scariest, the goose-bumpiest -- because they're real. At least, they're supposedly real. Which means a few more degrees of bone chill. And bone chill is the reason I watch the show.

These real-life EVPs say all kinds of things. They tell homeowners, "I'm staying here"; they ask questions about the TAPS investigators; they even manifest, sometimes, as music or humming or laughter. The scariest one I remember hearing from TAPS was in the home of a guy named Adam -- he believed it was haunted by his deceased relatives, and the disembodied voice on the recording said, "I miss... ADAM," with a near-demonic growl on the name. Eek!

"Sure," you say. You're a skeptic, and that's fine. But just imagine if you put a tape recorder in your bedroom and hung out, then played back the tape to find a tinny voice saying, "Get out of my house" or "I'm coming for you" or "Don't you ever vacuum in here?" You'd be creeped out too.

October 26, 2006

dramatis personae

I have to pick a new favorite.

Twelve of the last 48 hours at my house have been spent watching "The L Word: Season Three," and now that we're caught up for next season's premiere, I have one big question: Who's my favorite now?

They killed off tennis-star Dana, who was, hands down, the best of the bunch: She was goofy, funny and neurotic, and she was good to her friends. Dana was, like the others, glossy and sophisticated and impossibly good-looking, but there was a depth of truth in her that was unmatched in the rest of The Planet's denizens. She was able to be ideal and real at once.

But the writers were looking for a new creative challenge, so they saddled Dana with cancer and killed her off in the tenth episode. The storyline was, of course, convincing and depressing -- tears flooded my home for the last three eppies -- but now there's a very large void for the "L Word" crew to fill: the role of my favorite character.

An early prediction would be Helena, the sheltered heiress who was portrayed as manipulative and evil in the second season but much more human in the third. The others -- both Bette and Tina, who were my early favorites but got too psychotic; Shane, who's on my bad list for hurting Carmen in the finale; Kit, who I can tell is going to hit bottom again; and even Max, who's being hurt by the one character I wish would leave the show already, self-absorbed Jenny -- are all too love-them-AND-hate-them to rank first in my heart.

There's only one who can really compete with Helena -- Dana's best friend, Alice, who's also warm and real and funny. Let the competition begin.

Oh, wait. Season Four doesn't kick off 'til 2007.

Until then, well, there are always other shows.

October 25, 2006

canada's worst driver

Believe it or not, my entire life doesn't revolve around television. I have been known to read a book now and then — and not just because of a cable outage.

This past weekend, we traveled Toronto for a literary festival. I got to see my favorite author and personal hero, Canadian novelist/actor/playwright Ann-Marie MacDonald; explore a city I hadn't visited in years; and get a glimpse of Northern television offerings.

One program especially caught my interest: a reality show called "Canada's Worst Driver." I only saw a promo, but it looks like they take really bad drivers from across the country and put them through rigorous obstacle courses ... in Winnebagos. There were hilarious clips of very polite -- and very confused -- motorists careening over orange cones and other vehicles.

I went to school in Canada -- six years, undergraduate and grad school -- and I know all the jokes about polite Canadians as well as the ones about boring Canadian TV programming.

I also know that if my cable company carried this program, I would probably be taping it. It looks like a hoot.

box set

I can't think who said it best: So much television, so little time.

My schedule is a little off, since I work evenings, but I'm hard-pressed to think of any employed adult who could fit all my TV shows into a 24-hour day. I'm currently working my way through three DVD box sets:

* "The L Word: Season Three." We bought this yesterday. We're already on the third disc. It's that addictive.

* "Due South: Season One." Seasons Two through Four are waiting in the wings, but since I only get through one episode a day, at most, it's going to take a while.

* "Ghost Hunters: Season Two, Part Two." We had hoped to finish up this one before we acquired "The L Word," but our package was defective -- alas, two Disc 5s and no Disc 8 -- so we had to exchange it yesterday.

Add to this all the current programming I have to fit in, and you can see my dilemma: We're taping "30 Rock" and "Ghost Hunters" tonight, but I really really want to know what happens with the "L Word" gang. Do we watch the current stuff now, or save it for a few nights from now, when we'll have finished with the DVDs and will need something to fend off the inevitable "oh my God I can't believe they left us hanging like that" feeling?

Nah. I'll probably watch tonight's stuff tonight. And then try to stay awake long enough to get in an "L Word" episode or three as well.

October 24, 2006

anticipation

There she was, sturdy shoes planted twelve short inches from the metal gate, eyes searching inside the store for the slightest signs of movement. Five minutes. She had only five minutes more to wait. It was a cold morning, and grey, but her suffering would pay off. In just four more minutes, she would have her very own copy of "Monster House." Or "Slither." Or "The Addams Family: Volume 1."

From our vantage point in the car, we tried to imagine what she was looking to purchase as we waited out the remaining three minutes until Best Buy opened. This wasn't just any weekday morning. It was a Tuesday.

Tuesday is New Release Day in videoland, and we had been waiting for Tuesday, Oct. 24, for months. In just two more minutes, we would be able to walk in and buy Season Three of "The L Word" on DVD. Then we would race home -- reluctantly obeying the speed limit -- to kick off three or four days of constant melodrama.

One more minute. We unbuckled our seat belts and giggled as our avid "Nacho Libre" fan was joined by two impatient "O.C." seekers. But we were laughing with them, not at them. Hey, we understand.

We're TV fans, and Tuesday is our day.